Today, I become me

Tomorrow, I test today

Yesterday, I fucked myself

and threw myself away.

How could you have held me

and told me it's ok?

From now until yesterday

I'll learn to love that way.

Maybe I'm mistaken

but as I fade away

In order to rejuvinate

first I must decay.

~ 1997

My life has taken an extended stop

There is no time to look whats there

I just take a step and what I hit isn't touched

it's scented with a reek of odor

an odor I can't quite place

Not good nor bad, but definately unfamiliar

I'm forced into confussion

while I ponder on my blindness

This troubled time of darkness in my emptiness

has left me alone and untemperatured

Not cold nor hot, but chilled to dislike

I speak to nothing and it may respond

"You must go"... but I dwell on your advice

I'll live on soundless gravity,

in peace and harmony

No need to dry your tears

or erase your deepest emotions

My hatred is purely clear...

and my feelings are endless

You are gone... just walking away...

and I am here... overloaded with dismay...

For eternity in Hell!

~ April 17, 1997

Of little I've known, and much I see

I can't quite grasp what happened to me.

I live like this, misunderstood

No familiar with wrong, No difference with good.

No one else, they have all gone

Lonely and cold, darkness and dawn.

Open your eyes! What am I to do?

Help guide my way, For I am through.

No where to go and already turned

Everything I've done has up and burned.

I've discovered something worthless than you

It's here in myself, which I never knew.

I've transformed into something bad

I'm just like you, friendships once had.

No return now, what happened to me?

I wanna go back to what I use to be.

~ Oct 3, 1997

My friend the opportunist.

Nothing but a dark memory do I still remember

It all started in spanish in '96 of September

We sang this oddly alphabet for a class we much hated

For the first day we'd hang-out,

we decided and debated 

Ever since those days,

we became closer then good friends

Our opposite personalities,

surprisingly connects and blends

"Best Friends" we gave our title

and shared respects for our idols

We did everything together,

more than you would think

Movies, Bowling, Overnights, Guys.

Ha Ha. What a link.

I have never been this close

not to anyone I know

I spilled my deepest secrets

and how I'm always low

I've worked on all my problems

and shared them all with you

You chased them all away

 but "God! Now what to do?"

Three years of ups and downs

itall ended very fast

I hate you with a passion

these last few days are in our past

Never again will I let you hurt me

like the way you did

I had anger and depression

but around you it was hid

I've shared my evil opinions

but your life, I've kept quiet

I'm scarred for a lifetime with everything

tangled as a riot

I dispise to be mean to your face

it would leave you unwhole

I refuse to be responsible for the loss of a

respectful soul

I want to heal this sorrow

but never can forgive

I want to hate you for a lifetime

but I cannot continue

it's hard to live

The day you read this and understand

to see my point of view today

There isn't anything questionable on how

this all ended in the month of May.

~ June 5, 1997